Nowadays, a zombie apocalypse scenario is about realistic as anything.
Let’s face it, we live in an unpredictable world. The global political climate is in a very tense state, and doomsday scenarios are flying around like Spaghetti-O’s around a toddler’s high-chair.
It seems like every day something completely unpredictable happens, so at this point it wouldn’t even surprise me if this turned into an actual zombie apocalypse.
But as a mother, and an orthopaedic surgeon I have to caution you, that just because it’s a zombie apocalypse, doesn’t mean you can ignore your health and fitness.
In fact, your health will likely be in danger every second of every day, and your fitness will probably be the determining factor on whether you end up a late-night snack for the undead.
So, since I have no way of predicting what will actually happen in the world, here are five tips on how to stay fit and healthy, in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
Get plenty of exercise. This one should be a no-brainer (pun intended), since you will likely be running from zombies a lot of the time. But there is also likely to be a lot of down time, hiding in abandoned buildings and ‘safe zones’. If you find yourself in this scenario, volunteer to stand watch, and use that time to sneak in some lunges, jumping jacks, or even post-apocalyptic yoga. Just because the world ended, doesn’t mean your core should suffer.
Be mindful of your energy. Energy is super important in any zombie apocalypse, so you’re going to want to make sure you have it in spades. Unfortunately, a lot of the foods that provide energy are perishable, and not likely to be available months down the line. Oatmeal, beans, and Brown Rice are three easy to come by non-perishables that will give you plenty of energy. Eat Oatmeal in the morning (add crunchy peanut butter if you can—you should probably already be doing this), and you will be full all day. Have a lovely can of beans for lunch, and brown rice (mixed with whatever you can find during the day) for dinner. You may be a little gassy, but I don’t think the zombies will mind, especially when you leave them in the dust because of all your newfound energy.
Carry and extra pair of shoes. I would never condone stealing, but in the event of the apocalypse, I think we can refer to it as ‘foraging’. Make sure you hit up an abandoned shoe store, and ‘forage’ for well-made shoes. If you find a good pair, take a second and keep them in your bag. You will be living a nomadic lifestyle, and good footwear could actually save your life in this instance.
Find a team. As a lifelong athlete, I am always a proponent of finding a team. In the zombie apocalypse, this becomes even more fun (albeit a little more dangerous because of trust issues etc). You probably will not survive a zombie apocalypse without a team, so make sure you choose people who have valuable assets to contribute, but who don’t require a lot of maintenance or hand-holding. You may think your college bestie would make a great apocalypse partner, but you’ve seen what she is like when she gets dumped. Imagine how she would react if her boyfriend was devoured by a zombie. #nomoredrama
Turn it into a sport. Once you have assembled your team, planned your diet, and gotten the right footwear, you can start to treat the zombie apocalypse like a game. As with any game, you will have to make up the rules. I would strongly suggest you get points for every zombie you take down, and level up whenever you contribute something to the group that helps your overall situation. That way the world can basically be one big fantasy football league, and with your scoring metrics you can determine who is the best suited for your zombie apocalypse squad. Cuts will have to be made, but that is true of any sport.
I know I’m making light of a dark political time in our history, but the truth is that a zombie apocalypse is just as realistic as a lot of the things that have already happened in the past few years. So all we can do is try and find humor in it, contribute wherever we can, and start stockpiling oatmeal, rice, and beans just in case.